How to Commute your Commuting Sentence

A recent poll confirms what every Angeleno has already shouted into their steering wheel — Interstate 405 is, officially, the most soul-crushing commute in California.

The survey, run by Potamkin Hyundai (yes, really), asked 3,004 drivers which rush hour route makes them rethink their entire existence.

No surprise, the 405 took the top spot, it’s less a freeway and more a static art installation using cars as its medium. Stretching over Sepulveda Pass between West L.A. and the San Fernando Valley, it’s where drivers stare blankly at the Getty Center while inching past the scrubby hills, pondering whether to quit their job, their marriage, LA, or all the above and just vanish into Topanga Canyon to relive this:

Meanwhile, honorable mention for the most soul-crushing commute goes to the I-80 Bay Bridge approach (what, with the seizure-inducing sunlight strobing though its erector set beams and all). Here’s an old animation I wrote that features it:

Mysteriously, the Novato Narrows didn’t make Potamkin Hyundai’s list, despite being the bête noire of anyone who’s ever tried to escape northbound from Marin County.

But wait, there’s more…

Apparently, 3,105 additional American drivers got together and decided something shocking: not all commutes are soul-crushing exercises in existential dread. In fact, according to a recent survey conducted by Quantrell Volvo (a brand that sounds my next favorite Nordic Noir), the stretch from Sausalito to San Francisco via the Golden Gate Bridge is the most enjoyable commute in California. This “factoid” is the very definition of “lies, damned lies, and statistics.”

Of course, if you’ve ever driven this ribbon of west coast glory, you already know it’s beautiful — until it isn’t, which is whenever anyone loses their shit in the southbound lane. A couple of years ago, the bay wind blew a truck over on the Golden Gate bridge, and during the four hours that we were trapped there, dozens of people exited their cars to go pee off the side. It was 2023’s must-see streaming event.

Now, stream this:

If you’re reading this while driving—first off, don’t—consider, instead, listening to above podcast. It’s me, speaking with Tim Zahner, Executive Director of the Sonoma Valley Visitors Bureau on his Sonoma Spiel podcast (it’s everything you wanted to know about local media, indie filmmaking and Sonoma wine country but were afraid to ask.”). You stand a better chance of getting to the end of it and who knows, you may experience what NPR calls a “driveway moment.” …Or at least a “parking lot pause,” which is like a driveway moment without the tote bag. — DH