Commencement Speech

Dear Class of 2026—congratulations… You did it. You survived active shooter drills, pandemics, wildfire smoke, AI plagiarism scandals and the mass psy-ops known as social media. Someone is proud of you (and if you don’t have that person, it can be me).

I once attended a graduation whereupon the guests were treated to an uneven reading of Oh, the Places You’ll Go! by Dr. Seuss, as though adulthood were still a whimsical journey that includes the timeless adage:

With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet

you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

Listen, kid, you’re going to do this anyway—I can guarantee it. Most streets are not-so-good streets, many are dead ends, and some—provided you know where you want to go (which you don’t)—will get you there but not in the way you think. Be wary of cul de sacs. They sound fancy but they’re dead ends in disguise.

Then there’s this damn mountain situation. 

You’re off the Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So…get on your way!

Yes, every graduate of 2026 gets their own mountain. Naturally, this comes with property taxes but they’re metaphorical like your new mountain. Most are made from molehills (moles not included). The operating instructions for your new metaphorical mountain are embedded in the lyrics of Stevie Nicks’ “Landslide,” the ubiquitous soundtrack of graduation ceremonies since 1973:

I took my love, I took it down

Climbed a mountain and I turned around

And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills

‘Til the landslide brought me down

Okay, Stevie, technically I think we’re talking about an avalanche. If your avalanche identifies as a landslide, cool, you do you. Mine identifies as a mudslide. Speaking of Steves, remember when Steve Jobs famously advised graduates in a Stanford commencement speech to “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” Don’t take this literally (look what happened to your parents). Jobs got that line from the back of a Whole Earth catalog. The words were inscribed above an image of a country road—a not-so-good road I may add. I advise you to find another road—your own, one that goes around the mountain. Watch out for sliding debris and note that  it will take longer than you think and go faster than you thought. And don’t be ‘fraid of changin,’ that’s the part they call livin’.  

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Comments

4 responses to “Commencement Speech”

  1. Well said. Go around that mountain!

  2. Margo

    I identify as a full-on “Mt. St.Helens-esq” pyroplastic flow!!! 😉😉

  3. I’m wondering how many will survive themselves moving forward with perhaps the worst education ever received by a graduating class in the country. So what is compound interest? They could use that …

  4. catbutteryf2611d6b16

    Hey Daed,
    I’ve known you for a long time and have watched as your writing evolved over the years. I’ve come to enjoy your waork very much.
    Much love,
    Chuckles

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