Is this the year IP movies fail?

It’s predicted that up to 70% of the movies released from the six major studios this year be “will be related to existing [intellectual property].” And yet, those properties have a “much higher higher flop factor than normal,” according to The Gamer’s Stacey Henley.

Call it franchise fatigue — Marvel’s continuity is unraveling like an old unitard with seven big and little screen offerings this year alone, and DC is rebooting Superman (again — but this time with his dog) — properties and their offspring that prove the maxim that familiarity breeds contempt.

Audiences are tired of the usual suspects (read: men in tights). If IP (and presumably the pre-awareness that comes with it) is going to be properly leveraged, it’s time to get some fresh IP. Here are some relatively unexploited finds:

A cinematic universe is a series of movies set in the same fictional world that share a common narrative, characters, and themes. Here’s one dying (literally) to happen:

The Weekly World News — the fabulist supermarket tabloid whose garish, inky covers boasted headlines like “U.S. Govt. to Blame for Letting Bat Boy Escape!” and gave us all a lesson in media literacy. A few years ago, I spoke with its new stewards, who know full well the absurdist goldmine they have. Bat Boy. Elvis (alive). The World’s Smartest Ape. It’s the X-Men if Charles Fort had been in the writer’s room. The company recently tested the bloody waters with their “zom-com,” The Zombie Wedding (now streaming), surely Bat Boy is on the horizon?

Then there’s Archie McPhee, the Seattle-based emporium of novelties and tchotchkes (you don’t know the lengths I went through to spell that correctly). McPhee’s product line reads like a rogue’s gallery of action figures designed by Dadaists. The glow-in-the-dark figurine Senior Misterioso, the Punching Nun, and Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg would absolutely wipe the floor with the Suicide Squad.

And what about the surrealist horror of McDonaldland? It’s an A24 movie waiting to happen—Ronald McDonald is from the gene pool as Pennywise, the Hamburglar clearly inspired Heath Ledger’s Joker performance, and Grimace is fast food’s equally purple response to Thanos. One click of his flipper fingers and half the population instantly has diabetes.

Also, hailing from the processed foods category is Kellogg’s onomatopoeic triumvirate of gnomic mascots — Snap, Crackle, and Pop — who certainly have a few sequels in them. Their first film should involve finding “Pow,” their erstwhile fourth who disappeared early in their existence — sort of like The Three Musketeers meets Finding Nemo.

In the 60s, General Mills spawned three other characters, each with story-worthy flaws to overcome: The Trix Rabbit (thief), the Lucky Charms Leprechaun (hapless sucker), and the “Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs” bird (addict). Eventually, all the three characters should team up, Avengers-style, to thwart their shared enemy—children. Call it, Cereal Killers.

Some thoughts on my own private cinematic universe here.

Pull Quote

Intellectual property has the shelf life of a banana.

– Bill Gates

Junket

Requiem for a Dog: Darren Aronofsky is remaking Cujo for Netflix.

With a budget bigger than his bite, the prestige provocateur of Pi and The Whale is tackling a remake of Cujo, the rabid dog opus of Stephen King. Here’s my question, will Aronofsky shoot the film in Sonoma County like his predecessor, director Lewis Teague, did with the original 1983 adaptation? My hometown of Petaluma figures heavily in Teague’s version (here’s a list of locations) and perhaps, unsurprisingly, it shares several locations with our lupine-tinged art film Werewolf Serenade, which is now streaming for free on ad-supported Tubi. It’s not Cujo but it puts the “can” in canine. No, pooper scooper bags necessary.

Send Tips

If you’ve spotted a dying IP begging for resurrection (or a live one that should be euthanized), email me at dhowell@dhowell.com. Best, DH