Titanic Iceberg Defends Innocence

April 1, 2013 • Culture Dept.

Titanic Iceberg

Titanic Iceberg maintains innocence in fatal collision, bemoans global warming.

Nearly a year after centenary observances of the RMS Titanic and its tragic sinking, a former iceberg has come forward to defend itself against allegations that it caused the fateful collision.

At a press conference in Newfoundland, four hundred miles north of the site of the mid-Atlantic disaster that became a watery grave for over 1500 voyagers, the iceberg, now a fraction of its once gargantuan size, expressed remorse for the loss of life but maintained that the accident was not its fault.

“Not to put too fine a point on it –– but the boat hit me,” emphasized the iceberg. It added that since the accident it has suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder and the diminishing effects of climate change.

The iceberg has spent much of the past 100 years since the maritime disaster “just drifting” but expressed hope in finding work in punch bowl or an ice chest and believes coming forward will help his cause.

“I still have a lot left to give,” he said. “There’s a lot of me you can’t see.”

Tags: , ,