Special Considerations

What to consider when engaging my services…

I don’t work on spec seeing as I have enough of my own speculative contributions to our culture in the works. If you have stock options to offer in a real company with secured funding and a future so bright that a welding mask is more than a mere fashion statement, we can talk. Otherwise, some arbitrary “percentage” of a pipedream, even at 50%, is either a pipe or a dream. I don’t smoke and the stuff my dreams are made of is clearly different than yours.

On rare occasions, clients have bartered their wares and services for the license to an existing work. This can be negotiated on a per case basis (and when I say case, I don’t mean a bottle of wine – I mean a case).

To that end – a beer, coffee or even lunch does not constitute payment for my time. If you want an actual consultation on your project (wherein, I’m not merely flattering you for picking up the tab) let’s do business. Otherwise, we’re just dating.

Do not ask for a creative contributions from me based on the prospect of “great exposure.” The fact that you believe this to be attractive to a working professional means I’m overexposed as is. And apparently to the wrong people – the kind of people who lack respect for the fact that I’ve got to buy food for this kid to wear.

If you represent a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization that boasts an ethos in alignment with my admittedly recherché values, you may send a written proposal. Please don’t send a questionnaire regarding my recherché values. If you cannot assess what they are from my work, then you likely won’t want me at your event, in your anthology or at your commencement anyway.

Also, I will not read  your script, epic poetry cycle, inspiring personal saga of overcoming graphophobia, etc.. However, I will consult with you at my regular fee. When I’m not reading for pleasure, it’s work. Unless you’re author Jonathan Lethem, you’re not pleasuring me (um, that came out wrong).

Remember “opportunity cost” is a real – so, let’s be cool.