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Category Archives: Essays

Wet Dreams: The History of the Water Bed

By Daedalus Howell | March 2nd, 2009

When considering the advent of the waterbed, there are several pitfalls writers must avoid. Chief among them is conflating the nocturnal and aquatic in juvenile puns like “wetting the bed,” “wet dreams” and, of course, the mafia-inflected “sleeping with the fishes.” Or, with apologies to Bobby Darin, “Splish splash I was taking a nap…” The [...]

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I, Replicant

By Daedalus Howell | April 2nd, 2008

I failed the Voight-Kampff test. Albeit, it was an online version of the “empathy exam” meant to separate the men from the machines as seen in Blade Runner, so it’s likely I’m the victim of some order of digital chicanery. Even though the test couldn’t monitor my “blush response” and “eye movement” as [...]

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How to Avoid Hooking up at the Company Holiday Party

By Daedalus Howell | December 10th, 2007

Ah, the proverbial company holiday party—where one must suffer the indignity of white elephant gifts, off-brand booze and mistletoe hanging over one’s head like the sword of Damocles. Spending an obligatory evening with the water cooler crowd feigning holiday cheer is trying enough, so why up the ante by waking up next to one of [...]

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Wine, the Original Social Networking

By Daedalus Howell | October 3rd, 2007

Social networking sites such as MySpace and FaceBook are the rage for those plugged into online community experience – but wine was and remains the preferred social networking experience for the unplugged, or at least the uncorked, set. Prior to modern winery practices (and the public health code), making wine was a socially-driven endeavor in which [...]

Also posted in Action Figure Sold Separately, Wine | Tagged facebook, myspace, orson welles, paul masson, underage drinking, Wine | Leave a comment

1977 Redux

By Daedalus Howell | August 15th, 2007

This year marks the 30th anniversaries of the films Star Wars and Annie Hall, both cultural milestones in their right, which affected at least one member of a certain generation. Once upon a time in a galaxy, far, far, away – 1977 specifically – girls wore jeans that had to be zipped with pliers and undulated [...]

Also posted in Action Figure Sold Separately, Fiction | Tagged 1977, Annie Hall, golden gate bridge, star wars, Woody Allen | Leave a comment

Atomic Hangover (Or, How I Learned to Start Worrying and Hate the Bomb)

By Daedalus Howell | January 11th, 2006

I can remember when I first started obsessing about the bomb. It was Nov. 21, 1983. The day after The Day After. The fulcrum of the so-called X-Generation, those of us who experienced puberty in the ’80s under the tenure of President Reagan had inherited the Cold War in full bloom, like an atomic hangover. [...]

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L.A. Confidential

By Daedalus Howell | August 24th, 2005

Everywhere in the world a green light means “go.” That is, everywhere except Hollywood, where a green light means “Take a number, have a seat, the executives will see you shortly. After Eternity.” Such temporal phenomena permeate every aspect of the entertainment business. Given the molasses movement of time on film sets, production personnel are often [...]

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Frankenstein Goes to Hollywood

By Daedalus Howell | August 15th, 2005

In honor of “Frankenstein, Or The Modern Prometheus” author Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley’s August 30th birthday, below is the first of a handful of Frankenstein-themed miscellanea soon to appear in this blog. It may be worth noting that Shelley would have been 208. Her novel, incidentally, is 189, which means she wrote it at the tender [...]

Also posted in Action Figure Sold Separately | Tagged frankenstein, hollywood | 2 Comments

The Doctor is Out: Hunter S. Thompson

By Daedalus Howell | February 26th, 2005

“True gonzo reporting needs the talents of a master journalist, the eye of an artist/photographer and the heavy balls of an actor. Because the writer must be a participant in the scene, while he’s writing it — or at least taping it, or even sketching it. Or all three,” said Hunter S. Thompson of the [...]

Also posted in Action Figure Sold Separately, Personalities | Tagged gonzo, hunter s. thompson, Woody Creek Tavern | Leave a comment

Morphic Resonance

By Daedalus Howell | February 1st, 2005

Good morning, Class — Today’s vocabulary lesson comes from biologist Rupert Sheldrake, author of “The Sense of Being Stared At.” Ready? “Morphic resonance.” Say it together. Morphic resonance: A phenomenon wherein collective memories are transmitted and shared between members of a species as if telepathically, which results in disparate entities, completely autonomous of each other, developing [...]

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